here it begins. or ends, either way. end of the beginning, maybe. i actually like the way that sounds... the end of the beginning.
make this the end of the beginning of my inner demons. my despair. my lost feeling of self worth. today i felt the wall. long, cold and most unforgiving. i feel it in my chest. in the pit of my stomach. in every step i take. i want it to end.
i want it all to end. depression, pain, loneliness. i know that truly having those pits of humanity vanish wouldn't be the sudden beginning of pure utopia... because really, being human entails self awareness, connection to others and a vast array of emotions. rather than really eliminate what can't be eliminated, i hope to gain the tools in which to work with these emotions that grasp at my very being. i hope to avoid being controlled by them. i hope that gaining the tools to deal with all of this will allow me to connect with myself... to connect with others... and to be... well... not alone.
as much as there's darkness, there's also light. i have a child. this beautiful toddler that i am in awe with. the little one reminds me of all the good in the world. the little one is a bundle of awesome.
more to come...
